Being a birth coach for my SIL two weeks ago seemed like a good idea at the time. I put pressure on her back and helped her breath through contractions until they *finally* gave her an epidural. She ended up having a c-section and gave birth to a health baby boy.
Seeing a woman in labor had a stronger affect on my psyche then I anticipated. See there is an agreement between mothers and Mother Nature. We are supposed to be given a hefty dose of mother’s amnesia after we give birth. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a strong enough dose after I had Paxton. His labor was fast and furious and the thought of going through that again scares me. And the months of sleepless nights I spent holding him in the recliner are not far from my mind.
I wonder if I have the strength and energy to do it all again. Do I have what it takes? I almost had a breakdown as I walked into my OB’s office this morning. Suddenly, it was all too real. I am going to have a baby, and I am going to have to give birth to this baby. I have become The Little Engine That Could – I think I can, I think I can. I have to.