Saturday, March 11, 2006
I'm tired. I'm hungry and tired. My mouth hurts, I'm hungry, and I'm tired. I didn't sleep well last night. Olivia has been coming to our bed every night. Jody refuses to "fight" with her about it and let's her climb in bed with us. We have a double bed. We aren't big people but it's only a double bed. I end up sleeping on about a foot of mattress. I can't bend my legs and curl up like I want to and I am generally uncomfortable. Yesterday I announced that I am no longer sharing a bed with all these people. I told Olivia since she doesn't use her bed, it is now mine. I'll sleep in it. But I hate sleeping alone. I always have. So who is this going to help?! At times I feel guilty for feeling this way. I always hated sleeping alone when I was growing up so I completely understand where she is coming from. And when I've made her sleep by herself in the past, she freaks out. Not a normal I'm-going-to-throw-a-fit-because-I'm-not-getting-my-way cry but she freaks out. It kills me to do that to her. And I think about the future and that this won't last forever. They're only little for a little while, and then I will miss these days, and I will wish I had cuddled her more. But I need my sleep. I need my husband. And I need a break from her. Does that make me a bad mom?